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Tell him that you're aware that he has a strong sex drive, maybe stronger than yours. It relieves some pressure. Also, some people are just abusive. But you must assert that you too have a need for sex, and that for him to save all his sexual energy for himself is simply inconsiderate. I think you need to frame this as a matter of courtesy. Either way this goes, your man might need professional help. There are of course men who never do this; we call these people "Mike Pence," and they are awful. He gets me thinking about choking too, and how that is so normalized. Afterward, he apologized and asked if that had been OK I told him that he should have asked. Too much of our dialogue about sex, whether we intend it to or not, boils down to shame. Approach it as a participant, as a teammate, as someone who might even be willing to drag some of those X-Tube situations into the arena of real life. Like I said, some people are just abusive.
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